The Christmas Meme

Tagged! By Rick at City of God. Well, here it goes:

1. Hot chocolate or apple cider?
Before or after the Scotch?

2. Turkey or Ham?
Ham.

3. Do you get a Fake or Real you cut it yourself Christmas tree?
Fake, with lots of little pieces. Mme. Sallet can't be truly happy unless the tree job is miserable.

4. Decorations on the outside of your house?
Absolutely. As soon as the restraining order expires....

5. Snowball fights or sledding?
Sledding, or as we call it: human curling.

6. Do you enjoy going downtown shopping?
Sure...it's right up there with a colonoscopy and a prostate exam by a 22 year old med student named "Bunny" (true).

7. Favorite Christmas song?
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid and egg.... Just kidding. Silent Night.

8. How do you feel about Christmas movies?
Love the traditional ones, cartoons included. It's OK to add National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, right? Right?

9. When is it too early to start listening to Christmas music?
In elevators or at home?

10. Stockings before or after presents?
Definitely before. You need them for the stick-ups to get the presents....

11. Carolers, do you or do you not watch and listen to them?
Never seen one.

12. Go to someone else’s house or they come to you?
Well, you're pretty much scre*ed either way. I just go where the wife says then seek out other Y chromosomes when I get there.

13. Do you read the Christmas Story?
Yes. Kid loves it. Wife gets copulatory glare.

14. What do you do after presents and dinner?
Scotch & nice cuban cigar.

15. What is your favorite holiday smell?
Pine indoors.

16. Ice skating or walking around the mall?
Why don't I just use a hammer drill on my feet and call it even?

17. Do you open a present or presents on Christmas Eve, or wait until Christmas day?
Christmas morning.

18. Favorite Christmas memory?
I think there was one in there somewhere where I didn't get clothes. That one.

19. Favorite Part about winter?
Well, I like to ski.

20. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?
I only get dirty looks from my wife under one. I guess she forgets the time when we were under one at her parent' house and we snuck off and...uh, never mind.

Since there wasn't a single question about loudest belches, I'm also going to assume this was written by a XX. Won't tag anyone as it's so close to the day now, but thanks Rick!